One in four Americans in a relationship admit to keeping a secret from their partner, according to a new study.
A survey of 2,000 sexually active adults found that 26% of those in relationships admit their partner doesn’t know their true “body count” – the number of people they’ve been intimate with.
While the majority of these respondents said it’s because their partner never asked (60%), another 16% admit to downplaying their number when asked.
And while most of those in relationships have an answer to how many people their partner has been with, one in nine question whether or not their partner is lying.
So what might the real number be? The survey, conducted by Talker Research for LELO, found that the average American has been intimate with 14 people.
Two in three think the “body count” of someone you’re in a serious relationship with is vital information, and another 56% said it’s essential to know this even if you’re only casually intimate with someone.
Eight in 10 singles claim they would be honest with their partner about the number of people they’ve been with (83%), but fewer want to know how many lovers their partner has had (62%).
They may have the chance to tell all soon: more singles are interested in serious intimacy next year than last year (40% vs. 33%).
Reflecting on their sex lives, a fifth of respondents are embarrassed by the number of people they have been intimate with.
While a similar percentage wanted to be intimate with more people (19%), a quarter wanted the opposite.
“We believe in the power of embracing your sexual desires and not being ashamed to take care of your needs,” said Luka Matutinović, chief marketing officer at LELO. “Every journey of self-discovery and pleasure is vital to intimacy. By tuning in to what brings you joy, you can unlock deeper connections and a more fulfilling experience. Remember, there is no shame in exploring your needs and discovering new dimensions of pleasure.”
Currently, one in eight are unhappy with their sex life and timing has a lot to do with it, with 42% saying they are not as sexually active as they would like to be.
Finding the time is a challenge for 21%, with the average American sharing that they last had sex 10 days ago.
However, just because they’re doing the deed doesn’t mean they’re having the best time.
Twenty-four percent said it had been at least a month since they had “good” sex — including 20% of those in committed relationships.
Although most would rate their most recent lover as an A or higher (55%), another 31% rated their most recent sex as average, in the BC range.
Perhaps awkward moments like “when I fell off the bed,” “he got a nosebleed” or “fell asleep during the date” also played a role in how long respondents could recall having “good” sex. “.
However, these conversations are never easy to have: one in seven would not be honest with their partner if they were unhappy with their sex life.
More than a quarter of respondents think it’s offensive to get feedback from a partner after sex (27%), and 23% are speaking from experience after a partner told them they were unhappy.
Some of the hardest reactions to deal with were that their partner was “getting tired of doing the same thing”, “had better” or that they “didn’t live up to expectations”.
To protect their lover’s feelings, 59% admit that they have not commented on how satisfied they were after sex.
“Open and honest communication about sexual needs is essential for a thriving relationship,” said Matutinović. “Accepting sex toys can be a powerful way to explore desires and deepen emotional connections. Don’t hesitate to start these conversations—it can unlock new dimensions of excitement and fulfillment for you and your partner.”
GENERAL GENERAL TAKEN AFTER SEX
- He said I was too loud
- I didn’t move enough with it
- That I wasn’t flexible enough
- Getting tired of doing the same thing
- They had to do all the work
- That I should have done more. Get more involved
- I’ve had better
- That I didn’t last long enough
- I did not live up to expectations
- I need to kiss more
- Too many teeth
- To be more intimate and engage first
- There wasn’t enough attention to detail when it came to the foreplay
INTIMATE ENCOUNTERS ARRANGEMENT
- An unannounced person knocked on our door
- When I fell out of bed
- The first time, in a car
- Not being able to climb up, my legs spasm
- When my child walked in on us in the middle of the night
- The ex-girlfriend stopped
- When I laugh during sex
- When I was on a sex swing and my leg got caught between the straps
- I found out I was on my period during foreplay
- The parents entered
- The person acted like they were the biggest and they did nothing but lay there and make you do all the work
- He got a nosebleed
- She found another girls personal item in my bed
- When I slept with a guy I just met, he told me he loved me in the middle of sex
- Wearing underwear and setting up a romantic evening for them to not give off the same energy
- When I fell asleep during the meeting
- Asked to play Call of Duty right after
- One day I called someone by a different name
- When I was invited to be the “third” without knowing it
Survey methodology:
Talker Research surveyed 2,000 sexually active Americans; the survey was commissioned by LELO and administered and conducted online by Talker Research between September. 19 and September. 23, 2024.
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